I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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