turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize