I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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