Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
