I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
