Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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