i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
