mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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