i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize