So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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