wat bout pragnant strippers??
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
