So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
