God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He felt like a one man threesome
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
