i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
