I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
