think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
