Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
