I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
