You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
