I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
