Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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