Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
