i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
