you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize