I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
