if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
