dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
