I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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