Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
