FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
