I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's the barista slut.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The air was thick with penises
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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