i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
