When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
