she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
