did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We are two peas in an std pod
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
