Me too!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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