I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
