how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
