what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
