No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
