bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
