Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
