Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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