I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Someone signed my nipple.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
