so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
