every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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