he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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