i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
