u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
