all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
