Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
