You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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