Porn is love you can see.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
