hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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