i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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