She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
