OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
