Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
