Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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