I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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