Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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