I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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