hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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