Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize