I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
